hipsters 'n' horses

in addition to recycling plastic, glass, and nearly 100% of every discarded fashion trend since 1965, williamsburg, brooklyn also leads the way in clean, green "alternative" transportation. the vehicle shown can actually travel over 150 miles on just a handful of sugarcubes and a few strategically placed thrashes with a whip.

interestingly, this photo looks exactly like a scene from the #1 summer blockbuster of 1902, the 45-second epic Man Leading a Horse Down the Street

banvillemania

john banville is one of my favorite writers that no one has ever heard of ( because pretty much no one reads books any more unless they're about that magical little kid with glasses). most of the time i don't know what he's on about...there are loads of mythological allusions in his novels, but the prose is always mesmerising. banville has a reputation for being an asshole but comes across as funny and likable in interviews i've read. i'm pissed that i missed his recent book signing, i was going to bring my giant "John Banville #1" foam finger.

Here's an excerpt from his recent Village Voice interview:

the new one I'm working on is mostly in the third person, and it's a very different book. It's a kind of bittersweet erotic comedy. It's set in a house in the countryside on Midsummer's Day. The only first-person voice in it is the god Hermes. My publishers heard this and said: "Oh, yes, John. Another crowd-pleaser."

Read the whole thing here.

sicktime

recent bouts with illness have been hampering my efforts to engage in some of my favorite activities lately: drinking in pubs, boatbuilding, riding my bike around my block exactly 33 times at 8:02pm...and of course blogging. things weren't always like this. when i lived in the "Hub" i believe i went nine or ten years without so much as a cold. but then boston is a very different kind of city. it's cleaner and its entire population can fit inside one of nyc's high-rise tower blocks. plus, since the city is closed to foreigners you're not likely to catch some kind of exotic foreign cold or shingles. so i've started to take some preventive measures. like with food. in boston, it's ok to eat leftover burgers and burritos you find on the subway, as long as they're wrapped up in a bag...because chances are they were left there by a friend or an acquaintance. but i won't do that anymore in new york, unless i find the food on a bus or subway train i ride regularly. if everyone in the city follows this safe practice, i'm sure illness would drop significantly, and we could all use our sick days for fun things like visiting the elderly and working second jobs.

A new contest

I know I've announced major contests on this blog before, solicited entries, and then never bothered selecting a winner and awarding prizes. But this time it's different, because it is a contest that will directly benefit me. It's simple: design a tshirt for this blog. Mandatory elements: the name and the URL (seasull.blogspot.com.) Make it work!

this hollywood life

Last Monday I was in Hollywood, on a video shoot with Disney's second hottest music act the J-- B---s. Yes, it was almost as glamorous as it sounds and they were professional and wonderful to work with, all that shit. I had to rewrite a few lines on the spot to comply with Disney's legal people and then stand there and nod approvingly as the "talent" acted out the little skits we created for them. At lunch we all picked up our meals from the same catering truck and ate in the same communal mess hall. I suppose we could have sat at their table but that would have been awkward and weird. The shoot was at Hollywood Center Studios, a massive complex with about 800 different studio buildings. I thought if I made a wrong turn I'd blunder on to the set of a spaghetti western or twisted sister video.

While I was there Lior was kind enough to quit his job so he could act as my chauffeur. He offered to take me to a few of my old "stomping grounds" like USC, where I spent my freshman year depressed and stranded in south central LA without a car, but I declined. instead we went searching for lionel richie on hollywood boulevard, strolled around a hipster enclave, and enjoyed a few drinks in a dive bar where kiefer sutherland has been known to shit himself after a few too many. we also explored famous griffith park observatory, where you can get a nice view of downtown LA's famous skyline and the famous Hollywood sign.

the making of the video

thursday i was on set at cinemagic studios in soho for the shooting of my first corporate video. the client is a huge international software company known by three initials, which some of you may very well have heard of, particularly those of you who work with me. for the rest of you, it's not the one you're thinking.

from the pancakes and frittatas awaiting us in the morning to the eggplant parm and perfectly prepared ziti puttanesca for lunch, it was definitely a most fulfilling creative experience. i had three jobs: yelling at the actors when they fucked up lines of my script; yelling "ring, ring" to indicate the ringing of a character's blackberry; and motivating and inspiring the talent using as an example my own success as a corporate video writer.

overall it went well but i couldn't help feeling i had sold out and betrayed my original vision, which included a stuffed bunny. maybe next time. at least no one got thrown off the set.

journeys into the heart of america vol. 1

it's been taking me a while to get back into gear at work following my long break in framingham, massachusetts and durham, north carolina--both towns are home to some of the world's finest office parks. durham definitely has better fast food though--the fried chicken is so good at "Bojangles" that we actually witnessed folks thanking baby jesus (or maybe thirtysomething jesus) before they started ripping apart and devouring the deep-fried carcasses.

you would never see that at the burger king in framingham. the chicken tenders there don't measure up, and the last time i ate them, in spring of 1989, i came down with a stomach bug which caused me to vomit almost every meal i ate for an entire month. what a time that was. one saturday night i recall jay and i had just enjoyed an authentic mexican meal at "Chi-Chi's Mexican Cantina" and were pulling up in front of my house in my 1968 mustang when the stomach bug attacked again...and i vomited up my meal right onto the sidewalk, along with the 8 glasses of water i drank to counteract their deliciously spicy salsa. perhaps my stomach was still vulnerable from my bout with mono only months before. perhaps it was some kind of metaphor for adolescent angst, who knows, it's lost on me now

C'est fucking adorable!

From the French film "Clara et Moi." This should brighten your depressing return to work after the merry and gay holiday season.

things i nearly ingested over the holidays

1. half a glass of rancid milk always smell before you swig. it was worse than what you imagine. some refrigeration error must have occurred; i'm usually diligent about discarding perishables well before the expiration date. in fact, i often preemptively toss them as soon as i bring them home from the grocery store. now you know why.

2. a big wad of hair or hair extensions in my french fries at mcdonalds. usually rest-stop mcdonald's have such high standards of quality and hygiene. i'm not sure how this offense went undetected, since it appeared to be one crew member's job to sample the fries in each customer's order.

3. Chateau Diana's "Merlot"I'm pretty ignorant about wines; the difference between a $12 and a $14 bottle of bordeaux is usually lost on me. yesterday, however, i realized my palate can tell the difference between actual wine and cheap, disgusting facsimiles. after recovering from the single vomit-inducing sip i took, i read the label to discover the "merlot" wasn't actually "wine" but "wine product" other ingredients included water, high-fructose corn syrup, and chemicals. I still can't fathom its purpose. Perhaps they're not growing enough grapes at their winery. Whatever. I wouldn't pour that crap on a wino's corpse, even if it had been set on fire by kids who go around doing that kind of thing.

holiday update

Thursday was our agency's 150th annual holiday party which we celebrated by eating and drinking and talking to each other at blue smoke, a renowned NYC barbecue joint. There was also some kind of parlour game involving a magic lantern and some optical trickery, a contest at which I fared quite poorly. It certainly fun catching up with all of my co- workers, many of whom I had not seen for 45 minutes or more. I also enjoyed the ribs and the mini pulled pork and brisket sandwiches. Later we staggered across the street to another bar, where we continued to drink alcoholic beverages and talk to one another. Some people took photos and/or posed for them. After that a much smaller group of us went to see a friend/ex-coworker play records for people to dance to. And that was that.

getting carded

last night i was up quite late writing, addressing, and return addressing 1500+ xmas cards to fans, friends, and relatives in the far-flung reaches of the galaxy. this year i am enclosing slices of turkey and ham to symbolize the christmas dinner i wish i could enjoy with each and every one of them. if you do not receive a card, please do not be offended; i probably just didn't bother get your address, or figured you were jewish or something.

holidaytime

christmas is nearly here, and that means small advertising/marketing agencies all over new york are celebrating the birth of baby jesus in their own unique ways. friday night i attended therese's holiday soirée at the swanky ava lounge, on the 14th floor of the dream hotel. it was a swell place except for the security staff, who were somewhat overzealous in making sure that there were no loiterers in the narrow hallway by the elevators. most of us were just waiting for the coat check, which we had to explain over and over again to the bouncers. also, the coat check girl got thoroughly confused when therese handed her tickets for both her coat and mine. i guess that would be somewhat understandable were it not for the fact that there were only FIVE OTHER COATS waiting to be picked up. but the hors d'oeuvres were quite good and you wouldn't expect to have good guinness at a place like that. thursday is my agency's holiday party; it's going to be at blue smoke, where i expect to eat barbecue to the point of vomiting in my mouth, while wearing a festive and gay holiday sweater.

coming soon: memories of shitty christmas parties past

winning an important moral victory

tonight, after a long journey by rail, bus, and foot, i successfully retrieved my car from VIP Towing, located in the quaint warehouse district of maspeth queens, aka the only remaining place in New York where I can easily imagine getting abducted and MURDERED. as expected, i got lost both traveling out there, and back. two separate cab drivers, my would-be saviors, turned me away--apparently there is some unwritten law that prohibits yellow cabs from accepting intra-Queens fares, especially during shit weather. i bade them fuck you and good night and kept trudging on. so i'm nearly at the towing complex (i had my car towed voluntarily, long story), semi-seething with resentment towards the city's shiftless livery drivers, when another yellow cab, obviously lost in the warehouse district, pulls up. The driver asks me for directions to laguardia. it was the perfect opportunity to unleash my resentment after slogging through the rain for an hour...but i rose above it all and blurted out directions. which, i realized once he pulled away, were totally wrong (i pointed at the BQE overpass in the distance and told him to head north on the east-west running LIE). but the spirit behind my shitty directions was correct, and that's what matters in the end.

live from bed

bloody knackered now from a day busy mostly with people telling me how busy i'm going to be from now until early january. to reward and console myself i finally redeemed my thomas pink gift vouchers from last Xmas for a lovely new shirt which i will arrogantly display at holiday parties. can't really figure out what i want for this Christmas though. perhaps another gift voucher i can look forward to spending next holiday season. tomorrow I look forward to springing my car from some hellhole of a repair shop under the kosziuosko bridge.

start checking this blog again

it has been a productive nine months since my last entry. moved around the block, blew most of my savings, assembled a showroom's worth of cheap swedish furniture, survived the steam pipe catastrophe, and faithfully executed the office of best man. i also have also become a "used dvd salesman to the stars" via the amazon sellers program, which has put a few extra bucks in my wallet. work has been busy, the fruits of my labor are now clogging your mailboxes, inboxes, and the advertising positions on the web pages you read. one campaign i worked on caused a west coast skater to indulge in some judge reinhold-related nostalgia. he was kind enough to post stills from my ad on skate and annoy magazine's blog.(The first two--which in my opinion are the finest copywise--are missing)